What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 03:53
I said to her
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Do other British people agree that the UK should reconquer Ireland?
All the time i was locked up.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What does the Turkish word çıplak mean?
So whats the point in blame.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why do Democrats call any Republican "Magats", like they are subhuman?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was 9 years of age.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Ive learnt so much.
When she asked me how she looked .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Do all therapists specialize in one specific type of therapy, or are they trained in multiple types?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why are you a Muslim? Why is it Islam for you and not something else?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I have no regrets .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What are the differences between INFJ-T and INFJ A?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Are INFJs essentially the most introverted type?
But, we were locked up after school.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But ive been too sick for many years..
What was the first Native American tribe to inhabit Long Island, NY?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What song are you listening to right now? What does it mean to you?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She found it foreign!.
I was scared of men, in general
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was in good health!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So, i spoilt her more .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Comes on , in middle age.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And i lived it daily.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I waited trembling.
I was seconnd youngest,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I will be 64.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I think the readers, may guess!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I don,t even have a pension.
Put me off passion for life!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But it wasn’t much.
One cannot live in the past .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What did i know ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I write beautiful poetry .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was very sick at this time too.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Who then, do I blame.?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She loved him until the end.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My life is so biszare .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is how, and why children get BPD.
This is soul school!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We were not on the streets..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He knew the spot.
We all went to grammer schools
Im still living with it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She married twice! .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She wouldn,t have been !
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My family never makes their pension either.